Speak child, I’m listening. Image cred: Sciuraglam.

Speak child, I’m listening. Image cred: Sciuraglam.


Size me up, pls?

‘I like it more fitted’

Womenswear work, order your normal size. So if you’re a S in H&M, order a S.

Menswear, order a size up. So if you’re a M in H&M, order a L.

‘I like it baggy, baby’

Womenswear folk, order a size up. So if you’re a S in H&M, order a S.

Menswear, or mega baggy gals, order two sizes up. So if you’re a M in H&M, order a XL.

WTF is a Business Witch?

To begin with I just liked the sound of these two polar-opposite words together. Then I thought about what it might mean and landed on this:

Someone who is as odd as they are competent

It’s likely to be a woman, but doesn’t have to be — just somebody who gets shit done whilst being true to their quirks.

How do I look after my t-shirt?

To care for your Business Witch tee, pop it in the washing machine inside-out (to protect the print) on a gentle cycle with similar colours. Avoid fabric softeners if you can.

If you need to tumble dry it, don’t do it for long. For MAXIMUM freshness, let your garm dry au natural.

If you need to iron it, avoid the print or embroidery to keep it crisp.

Delivery. Discuss.

We print t-shirts on demand, so when you place an order it’s likely to take 2-3 days for the item to be printed and ready to ship to you. At that point, your order will be dispatched from our UK warehouse. We know it’s not ASOS-speedy, but please give us about 7 working days from when you placed your order to get it to you. All deliveries are tracked.

No returns? Really?

Everything is made to order, so all sales are final. There are two exceptions to this regrettable rule:

You ordered it by mistake

Email me at ahoyhoy@itsbusinesswitch.com at the speed of light so I can intercept it before it goes to print. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to stop it, but I’ll do my best.

It turns up faulty :-(

Not cool. You can return items that are faulty to the return address on the packaging.

Are you just being difficult?

For once in my life, no. If I accept a return on something that’s made to order, I end up paying for it in full. That makes it pretty hard to run a tiny business, so for now I’m going to have to bow out.

Talk to me about ethics.

Everything in our shop comes from a supplier called Stanley/Stella, who are a member of the Fair Wear Foundation. They’re committed to responsible, sustainable production and workers’ rights. They use organic cotton and/or recycled materials.


What is your favourite nonsense word or phrase?

I’m glad you asked. It’s Peanut Toby.

Are these shirts cursed?

If I said they definitely weren’t, I’d be lying.

Can I place a custom order?

Much like a weathered wedding DJ, I take requests. If you’d like to commission some strongly worded t-shirts, fill out this riveting form and I’ll get back to you. We can do fun stuff with foils, glitter and velvety print if you’re ordering a few.

Why are you doing this?

Because I love words, typography and shit jokes. Also, it gives me a sense of order in the meaningless chaos of the universe. 🌌